ideal

i made up this image of you in my head.
i made up the color of your hair, and your eyes.
i even made up the house we owned,
the kids we had.
the jokes we told and the times we shared.
wrapping your christmas present,
kissing your neck, framing our picture.

you are sweet, and everyone adores you.
you are mine.
we can listen to music all day together.
we go to the beach pretty regularly
and sometimes you make me breakfast.
sometimes.
we go on runs with our dog
and on the weekends we go to the game.
i can tell you anything and you always listen.
you never hurt me and never lie.

you buy me flowers on my birthday.
sometimes we go on car rides just to get away.
you always want to be near me.
you love me.
you cherish me.

& i am letting you go.
you do not really exist.

you will lie to me, and you will hurt me.
you will get to me deeper than anyone has.
you might forget your loyalty to me,
you might even leave me.
not everyone will like you,
and some days you won't like me.

you will do all these things because i made you up.
you're not real.
you were just an image in my head.